Double Lives
This past holiday season, I had an amazing opportunity to see my youngest brother perform in the Nutcracker for the Oakland Ballet. It was the first time since playing Fritz and other supporting characters as a young boy that he was given a paid position for spectacular lead roles. When I first saw him behind the sheer curtain in full costume for the big Christmas Eve show, he took my breath away. Unlike me, my older siblings, and our parents, he has the chiseled physique of a professionally trained dancer.
When he moves across stage, the athleticism coming out of his six foot frame is just as striking as the artistry.  He even has a distinct urban-masculine style of dancing that separates him from the other young male dancers in his academy; you can’t help but notice the hip-hop under his pirouette.
Quite frankly, I’m not sure my little brother would have it any other way. He’s a great student, but he has always been one of the ‘cool’ boys too, more attracted to the kids breaking the rules and pushing the limits of parental authority than the ones dutifully studying afterschool. And since ballet doesn’t exactly scream urban schoolyard coolness for boys yet, he’s pioneering the model.
Even though I am significantly (uh-hm) older than him, I can totally relate. As fate would have it, the only girl in the family ended up pursuing a male-dominated weightlifting sport. …and as liberated as I’d like to sound on feminist issues, the truth is somewhere in the middle: I’m not 100% comfortable with the masculine image of kettlebell sport either. I understand why some women have shunned the idea in this country; it’s intimidating to see someone throw an iron ball weighing between 16-32 kgs overhead nearly 200 times. But, like my brother, I’m definitely finding my own way. It’s immensely rewarding to be a part of the first all-women Kettlebell Sport competition team. We spend much of our focus on technical mastery in order to improve our performance, but we’re also sneaking in new ways to illuminate our femininity on the platform, too.
This may not be Betty Friedan’s ideal way to trailblaze new territory, but I think she would applaud our achievements nonetheless.
When my father, of all people, enrolled his two youngest sons in ballet, our family was definitely caught off-guard. As progressive as we considered ourselves back then, the truth is that we come from a long line of Mexican-American-Chicano machismo, my father once chief among them.  Yet, the wisdom of having already raised two older boys inspired him to make some changes this time around.  My father was proud that his wife and older children rallied behind his radical idea, though I must admit we were relieved when he left it up to my little brothers to decide whether they wanted to continue.
Of course, ballet turned out to be nothing but a positive experience for them, but that’s not to say that the boys were immune to gender stereotyping here. Dance ended up being an area of their lives that they fiercely protected from their peers in the public school system. Rather than risk being harassed or ridiculed for being ‘ballerinas,’ both of them kept it a secret from their school friends for nearly twelve years.
“What if someone at school finds out?” my father once asked them.
“Then we’ll change schools,” the youngest replied.
Neither of them expressed interest in quitting ballet during their most formative adolescent years.  I’m still amazed by the way my brothers navigate through their vastly different worlds. The eldest of the two wrote a fascinating essay about it for his college application to UC Berkeley. He compared himself to Superman living as Clark Kent with a hidden identity, furtively changing into tights behind closed doors, and purposely concealing his powerful ability to catch women in flight.  It was a hilarious and thought provoking statement — a strong reminder that we still have a long way to go.
-Maya
I have full confidence that when the IC KB team steps up to the platform there’s an audible gasp of appreciation from those watching- of beauty, strength, grace on the platform. It takes courage to be a pioneer whether your acting as a parent, individual or team member – go team go!
I agree with Renee. It definitely takes courage. In the European federations, even today, women aren’t “allowed” to do the Jerk in competition. The biathlon doesn’t exist for them. I am extremely proud of my wife and brothers-in-law for transcending gender-based confines.
I look forward to the day when Mateo can say, “I learned to lift weights from my mommy!”
What a great story Maya, thank you for sharing it with us. It made my eyes well up. It’s funny, I didn’t really know that kettlebell lifting was so male dominated until recently — mainly because of the IC’s attitude toward it! I totally agree with Renee and Steve!! I am certainly in awe of all the strong women I see working out everyday, it is so inspiring. It also has such a positive effect on my two daughters.
I had a similar reaction … I didn’t know kb was male dominated! Seeing so many strong beautiful women lifting at IC makes it seem such a natural fit. It never occured to me that it was anything but the norm. Not to mention that there’s just so much grace in kb strength.
Beautiful and thought-provoking musings, Maya. Thank you!
Maya, your posts always make me cry! I guess it’s the combination of honesty, humor, and the sheer power of your voice and your body. The ICKB team is truly a force to be reckoned with, and we are so excited to cheer you all on at your big meet in March!
I love to watch Maya swing the bell. You always look so calm and peaceful, yet super sassy in a beautiful, classy way. The pink hat or pink shirt is like your signature. You look like a natural and I learn so much from just watching you.
Like everyone else, it never occurred to me that KB sport was male dominated. Clearly women dominate the sport at the IC!
Nice piece of writing, Maya.
Les
Grace and power, athleticism and restraint. You and your brothers have learned to balance these factors and transcend any kind of gender classifications, making your respective physical outlets beauty in motion–regardless of masculine/feminine preconceptions.
I, neither, had no notion that kettlebell sport was mostly confined to men, and I have no intention of letting that seep into my mind! I love that you guys train everyone to learn every discipline, never letting us think that we can’t do it because of our size or shape or gender. THAT is grace.
We get at least one email a week from gyms around the country inquiring about our kettlebell sport program. “How did you get so many women involved?” is usually one of the first questions.
I do understand the confusion however. All you have to do is a search on You Tube for “bikini” and “kettlebells” and you’ll see lots of feminine action around the bells. However, I think most of you understand the distinction between KB Sport and the rest…
Master of Sport Catherine Imes is the true pioneer here!!! …and many of you don’t know Lorraine Patten, co-founder of the NAKF, but she is also doing incredible work to advance the sport for women. Props to these fine ladies!!!
what a great part of your life to share with us! Thank you!
Oh, D! Such an awesome kid. There’s something right going on in your family, Maya, that at least two such amazing individuals came out of it. I am totally awed and inspired by you, of course, but by D too – who, as you note, has continued on his path through the most difficult years of identity formation, peer pressure, that whole adolescence thing. You guys are so strong and gifted! I wish him the best, please tell him I said so, and I so look forward to hearing about what he does in the future.
I just had to comment — I’ve been dancing with D in that company for 8 or so years now, he’s one of my great friends. I’ve really always looked up to him, D’s a fantastic guy.
- Glenn
beautifully written as usual maya!! thanks for sharing
Thank you Maya for always sharing such inspirational stories. Your family’s support of your brothers is heartwarming. I applaud you and your family for the strength and determination to pursue your dreams. I also give a special applause to the members of IC KB team and coach Steve for breaking stereotypes and putting forth such a positive image for the world to see. Good luck this weekend!
Wow your brother looks incredible! I guess that perfect form and focus runs in the family!