Fresh Start
I keep this post-it on my cork board as a reminder of how far I have come. The 30% refers to my body fat seven months after my son was born.
In the spirit of our New Year’s Fat Loss Challenge, let’s talk about how some (not all) of us relate to food. Every time I am courageous enough to talk about emotional triggers that often precede poor eating habits, I feel liberated as a teacher and fellow sufferer. I know from my own experience that prescribing “extra cardio,” more intensity, and a Dr.’s version of a low carb diet are just not enough to propel every person forward. While it is true that exercise and a nutritious dietary plan (particularly one that optimizes hormonal responses in the body) will initially steer you in the right direction, they are only part of the story for the majority of people successfully keeping the weight off. Most will tell you that it requires a balance (some days better than others) of the aforementioned components in conjunction with an inner shift in the way we approach our daily life.
Some people are puzzled (and even offended) when I offer them my truth: it takes more than exercise and the illusion of a perfect diet to declare victory over a heavily ingrained behavioral pattern sometimes referred to as emotional eating or compulsive overeating, the latest terms for those of us who aren’t anorexic or bulimic or experiencing thyroid or metabolic health issues, but still struggle with our weight. First off, it’s important to debunk myths about the ways in which this manifests in our lives. Compulsive overeating does not look like the binge eating portrayed by Meredith Baxter-Birney in the 80s made-for-TV movie, Kate’s Secret. Thankfully, I don’t race to use my fingers to stuff food in my mouth like Kobayashi, the hot dog eating champion, either. Nor do I hide in my car to wolf down three king size value meals so that I can purge it all by the time I get home. It’s never that theatrical or extreme. It just means that I sometimes eat more than I expend (even though I know better) and that my tendency to overeat (even the good stuff) is often correlated with my state of mind.
And, here’s what I have learned from being in the trenches on the emotional side: it’s not always some huge traumatic event or difficult life circumstance that cause us to fall off the wagon. In my quest for understanding and healing, I have learned how profoundly my inner state of being determines how I experience the outside world. If I’m feeling down, irritable, or anxious at any given moment, more subtle forms of stress get the best of me. Sometimes it’s as simple as watching the evening news (or worse, following CNN for daytime analysis of our current economy), the sound of my son crying, being in a rush/arriving late, responding to email and cell phone calls, or simply listening to someone in a bad mood. It may sound silly to some of you who don’t have a reoccurring dysfunctional relationship with food, but for those of us who do, it’s easy to disregard nutritional boundaries when you have a lethal combo of internal unrest and external chaos operating within and around you. I think we use food the same way smokers take cigarette breaks — as a time-out, an outlet, a soothing quick release of energy.
I’m not suggesting that every time you overeat there is some dark pathology lurking in the shadows, but I am trying to help you discover why even despite your best efforts (i.e. daily exercise and an honest intention to eat right), life seems to “get in the way” and for whatever reason you lose the inspiration to stay the course that day and you momentarily give up on your weight loss goal and maybe even convince yourself that you secretly lack the necessary willpower to ever get this right. I want to offer you instead the idea that creating new rituals to de-stress and interrupt old thought patterns will open incredible new doors for you. Create healthier forms of time-outs and ways to release tension so that when you’re in trouble or bored and restless, you choose a different way to self-soothe. And like me, you may have to face that choice again and again and again because there’s no magic pill for this one yet (or Oprah says she would own it). The great news is that despite the odds, many people are winning these small battles one decision at a time here at the IC. I challenge you to be among them in 2009!
My greatest hope is that you’ll discover some fantastic new ways to expand your joy instead of your waistline and gain more life experience instead of weight.
-Maya
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“You can attract only that which you first mentally become and feel yourself to be in reality.” -Ernest Holmes
Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you
mb
“I want to offer you instead the idea that creating new rituals to de-stress and interrupt old thought patterns will open incredible new doors for you” – inspiring and lovely. Because my kitchen will still be attached to my living and dining rooms ah the joy of an open floor plan!
Thank you once again for your honesty and willingness to share your journey with us.
great post!
I do have to laugh becasue your “before” numbers are not far off from what I am hoping for my “after” numbers!!!!
Excellent and insightful points. It’s so helpful to hear this from you. Given the constant media blitzing by food companies – it can be truly difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Obstacles are thrown at us every day. I may need to print this out and carry it with me…
This is great – and well-timed after we have all indulged over the holidays and need to “get back to it”. Whenever I get the chance to travel to other countries I am always so struck by how other nationalities approach food and nourishment compared to how we do here. There is a certain mindfulness about the pleasure of food and sharing it with others that is often put aside in our country. If this mindfulness can make the food more satisfying, make it count more, than maybe we don’t need to “slip up” so often? I’m going to ponder this…
I am humbled by the incredible feedback I have received today. Thank you to everyone who has commented and to everyone I spoke with in class, too.
Virginia,
Those were NOT my starting numbers! At birth, I started between 172-175 pounds and since my son weighed nearly 10 lbs., I still had over 40 pounds to face!
That was just the first time in my postpartum phase that I had enough courage to test my body fat. I have no idea what it was at the height of it all! Notice how I purposely wrote down my initials instead of my full name in case someone found it hanging around the gym office. Then I hid it in my purse which is how it got wrinkled up. In fact, that post-it didn’t make a public appearance until I found it by accident months later…
Maya tell me about ‘body fat’ and how it relates to pounds. I’m used to seeing it as a percentage and didn’t think it could be accurately measured. Great post too. What I know is that for me, over-eating can often be as simple as one piece of bread or a portion of protein that was larger than the proverbial deck of cards. I already eat 5 vegetables, never drink soda and rarely consume sweets why is this so hard? I related so personally to Oprah’s struggle. Her numbers are my numbers. How could I let this happen? On bad days, it feels insurmountable and I might as well be eating donuts in the car. One of the great things about boot camp is that I can love it just for itself and show up and feel progress in the number of push ups i can now do or the squats that get easier and not focus on the scale so much. This is a good place to be.
Reneegade, let’s chat tomorrow morning after class. I just saw today’s new Oprah show and I thought Bob Greene offered more great insights on the issue, especially his confirmation that this never really goes away (no matter how successful you may feel about it). Did you notice how many times they used the word joy? (We planned that one of course.)
Kristin,
Would love to read more of your insights. I know what you mean. My mom talks about her ancestral cultures around food and it’s very similar to what you described.
Great post.
It helped me realize one of the things that I tend to do.
At the end of a really rough day, I’m beat. I’m just worn out. I slump down in a chair and I just stop caring. I don’t care if the guys are cleaning their stations, if invoices are in for the day, if I work on my other projects…. I sit in my chair and decide that I deserve some kind of reward for working so hard. And since I’m not caring… there’s nothing wrong with bread pudding and vanilla ice cream.
Now I’m aware of this habit and I can manage it. I can take a few moments to decide what treat I’d really enjoy. The reward that I won’t regret the next morning. I do have a wide variety of choices at my finger tips.
Thanks again.
Fantastic post – there’s something incredibly valuable in sharing process, concerns, struggles – openness and cleansing can be integral parts of the improvement process for both speaker and listener(s).
For me it doesn’t have to have an ‘emotional’ basis either – e.g. eating b/c I’m bored or curious, not wanting to “waste” or appear impolite, etc.
It’s a great reminder that the goal isn’t perfection, but rather a healthy process of acceptance and getting back up when we ‘fall’.
Can we leave pictures of potato chips off the blog? Everytime I look at it, I want some, and I’m in the fat loss competition! Must hold back, must not eat bad fat!
Hey Julie,
What are you talking about? That’s my favorite part of this article. It’s nothing without the chips!
And is that a reuben sandwich? Sabotage, I tell ya’!
I agree with Erin, I need to print this out and carry it around with me! Very thoughtful and inspiring! Thank you Maya!
Julie, I’m totally with you on this! Tsan should be the only one ever allowed to post food pics for us. (Steve insisted on it btw.) Truth be told, that was actually Bear-Bear’s breakfast a few weeks ago!
Thaks so much for posting this. I’ve never really known what is wrong with me in regards to food because I don’t starve myself, don’t throw up, don’t binge, don’t eat in secret, don’t do any of the well-publicized eating disorder behaviors. But I do eat too much: more than I want to have done once I’m finished. I just assumed it’s because I’m not strong and disciplined, but now I am going to try to find something else to replace the food with. The food replaced cigarrettes, actually, so this goes wa-a-ay back. I am curious (if anyone wants to share) what helps as a substitution that’s not consumption related (I am not interested in shopping as a reward for not eating)? I also sort of can’t believe I’m posting this. Is it too late to create an assumed name?
Anne,
Thanks for being courageous enough to post this. I taught a “nutritional” curriculum over the summer, which was very well received. Thanks to Maya’s advice, a big chunk of the course was on “nutrition for the soul.” We tried to identify addictive behaviors prior to examining food content. I believed our participants benefited greatly from this perspective. Perhaps you can urge Maya to do a workshop for everyone in the spring. Her personal story and insights are powerful and inspiring.
Yes Maya – Steven is right…… your personal story and insights are powerful and inspiring – I/ WE WANT THE WORKSHOP!!!!!!!
thanks so much for your post and your encouraging words, always!!
Steven, the “Nutritional” course sounds great too, let’s have that as well!
When do we sign up?????
It was great to finally get back today!!!!!!!
Hi Ann (and all) I was really motivated by the “de stressing” as I posted before. That just clicked for me instead of “managing stress”, right now, I’m in the house with my ipod listening to music morning, noon, night and the kids are home, but know I just need to do this. And when they interrupt me, I’m in a happy place! Upbeat music- per Maya’s suggestion. I also realized many things and made a dot to dot connection- but in essence I”m going to take up knitting, or something I can do by myself at night that keeps my mind and my hands busy with something constructive. Also, purging some closets. Perhaps this can help?
workshop workshop workshop please.
If you try it make sure you get the brand “Synergy” – sold at Elephant pharmacy. The others have caffeine and sugar. I moved from Kombocha to making my own “healing drinks” I call them. Chamomile Tea mixed w/ lime and fennel juice – juiced myself – (Maya there’s some in the fridge for you) and lime, among others. Well, it doesn’t give me the same exact feeling as cookies and cake (my weakness), but it makes me feel like I’ve done something great for myself – emotionally because I’ve gone out of my way to find interesting ingrediantes and create something fancy, and physically because even though calories and carbs at the end of a hard day should be free, they aren’t, so I’m consuming something that’s good for me. Try some! And if we have a nutrition workshop, I’ll bring some samples of my new line of drinks…
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And, my own two cents… I need a reward for getting through each day, and unfortunately, I haven’t found a replacement for that feeling of “full” (emotionally and physically) that I get after eating a “treat”. However, Eva suggested Kombucha to me… it’s FERMENTED MUSHROOM JUICE! Ewe, gross, definitely an acquired taste, but I’ve acquired it and it’s fun, different, surprising, healthy, and helps reduce cravings for sweets. And those of you who think shopping can fill your void, great, because its expensive too.
Best
mb
PS – Anne – I don’t know who you are actually, but to you and everyone else who felt nervous about posting about food issues, you were speaking for tons of other people who go through the same, and worse, but aren’t ready to come out. You have helped us all. Thank you!
Hey Maya,
Great piece and you bring up some very important points about what it takes to achieve real health and well being. Without emotional health the house of cards will ultimately fall.
There are a lot of underlying traumas that all of us have that need to be addressed before we can truly be healthy. Effective training and a solid diet are low on the list compared to true spiritual growth and emotional health.
I find that people that really love training are often trying to distract themselves from dealing with some internal issues. Being very disciplined about training and eating gives one a sense of control in a crazy world that is really out of control. It is a powerful distraction method but ultimately flawed. However, when you are working on internal growth in conjunction with training and healthy eating it really brings everything together.
Happy new year to you, Steve, and your son. BTW, it is nice to see more biracial people around. That is what me, Obama, and your son have in common
Maya, ahhh Sensei, you speak truth… What meaningful insight.
Kristin, what a great topic about how other nationalities’ approach to food and nourishment compared to how we do here…. This culture seem to view food as either an (over) indulgence or a taboo topic, stuffing foods we don’t want others to know we eat; and where sharing is very optional. Now looking back I feel so fortunate that I grew up not only having the unwanted job of picking herbs and vegetables from our garden for meals, but to be given a cultural lesson describing what each food does to your body. What foods make you too hot or too cold or what is bad for your digestion etc… My everlasting journey is to find the balance between Eastern and Western philosophies to food, to life…
Anne,
Great question. Being a type-A, one of best ways I channel this energy is into projects that are creative. The project has to be something I actually WANT to keep going back to several times a day until it is done. For me, it is often work-related (because I love what I do), but not always. Examples include: writing this article, making photo collages of my son, editing IC videos and photos, organizing my training floor (at home), making new playlists for the ipod, reading a book that inspires a personal or professional goal I am working toward, etc.
Ideas from others here are great too! Renee just mentioned walking her dog in the canyon while MB’s been making healing juice. I love it!
Mike, I just finished talking about your great work on hormone optimization to several bootcampers yesterday. I am honored to bring more of it to them this month. Thank you for your insight about hiding behind your training. I can’t agree with you more.
I want to try knitting! (You all know how I love hats.) Oh yeah, and closet purging has absolutely worked for me. De-cluttering is a big one–did anyone see the show about the link between clutter and weight gain? Nicki and Kristin, you both make important points about culture. I want to explore more of this too…
Maya, it is always very touching and inspirational your willingness to share your experiences with us. I’d like to thank the members of the IC for their contributions to this post as well. It really helps to hear that I am not alone with the “managing stress issue.” Stress is always a big issue in my life. Sometimes it feels all the efforts I make toward living a healthier lifestyle (food, exercise, personal well being) gets tossed aside when I feel under pressure. I forget my good habits
Maya, Renee, I would be happy to teach you to knit
Elsa, we need to make a time and date. Annakari wants to as well. I won’t be at bootcamp on Thurs/Fri (field trips) but will all next week. Or the powers that be a free to give my email.
That would be fun. Time’s a wastin’
Wow, I found a bit of myself in everything I just read. Thank you all for sharing.